A review of the best of the season’s new holiday albums. And this year, Darren Criss, Kelly Clarkston, and Norah Jones lead the pack.
I saw it coming, way back in the day — the takeover of soulful Christmas music by white singers.
It all started with Hall & Oates’ soul-tinged version of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Then came George Michael & Wham’s “Last Christmas.”
But it was the ethnically-ambiguous Mariah Carey, long before her ascension to the Queen Of Christmas throne, that really kicked things into high gear with her gospel and Motown-infused first holiday CD, Merry Christmas and that now-ubiquitous single, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” which was released in 1994 along with Kenny G’s masterpiece Miracles: The Holiday Album.
The melanin-challenged among us never looked back.
And over a quarter of a century later, I’ve a declaration I never thought I’d make: the best of this season’s Christmas music are from white people. The world may have finally realized that Jesus was black, but the best of The Birthday Boy’s musica es blanca.
Now don’t get me wrong: I love white folks, especially during the holidays. They make some mean sugar cookies. And if you’re brave enough to take a deeper dive, you can forego the sweet potato pie and get one of ‘em to whip up a wicked batch of figgy pudding that’ll leave you calling out to the aforementioned Jesus between mouthfuls.
But I grew up on a killer Motown Christmas compilation that featured Diana Ross & The Supremes, The Temptations, The Jackson Five, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, and Stevie Wonder on some of the greatest arrangements of Christmas classics known to man.
Again, don’t take all of this the wrong way: there’s nothing like Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton’s Once Upon A Christmas album from the 80s, but to really get me in the Yuletide mood, it takes something like Johnny Mathis’ “We Need A Little Christmas,” Nat “King” Cole’s “The Christmas Song,” or Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas,” or, more recently, BeBe & CeCe Winans’ First Christmas album to do it. To put it delicately, I like a cocoa Christmas.
Until this year.
Just like during days of yore, a host of artists did their best this season to add something of note to the classic Christmas canon. And again this year, most fell far short of that goal, or for that matter, they failed to add anything that anyone with a working eardrum would want to hear more than once.
My reaction couldn’t have been more different, thankfully, upon listening to Glee alumnus Darren Criss’ ebullient new A Very Darren Christmas. By the time you get to the bridge of the album’s first track, a jumping medley of “Happy Holidays” and “The Holiday Season,” you’ll be having almost as much fun as Criss sounds like he had while he recorded.
Criss also did what I’d thought was impossible before hearing his new album: he served up a version of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” that I actually like. I almost love it. Hand to God, it’s funky and fun.
Other highlights of the new Yuletide album include “St. Patrick’s Day” (yup, on a Christmas album!), “Welcome Home,” “Drunk On Christmas” (which is reminiscent of the best of Rogers and Parton’s Christmas album), and a version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” that may be the best I’ve heard since Judy Garland warbled it almost 70 years ago. The song’s supposed to be plaintive, and most miss that by a mile. Criss nailed it.
Miraculously, Criss also conquered “The Christmas Song,” giving Cole a genuine run for his money. And I can’t get enough of his version of “(Everybody’s Waitin’ For) The Man With The Bag,” recorded with American Idol veteran and Queen frontman Adam Lambert.
Speaking of American Idol, another of the talent showcase competition’s alumnae, the equally white Kelly Clarkston, delivered a winner this season with her new When Christmas Comes Around…. I enjoyed her spritely original “Christmas Isn’t Cancelled (Just You),” despite its unabashed bid to usurp Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” as the Christmas classic du jour. A note of Christmas caution, though: Clarkston’s voice get a little shrill when she aims for the highest notes within her range, and sounds best on classics like “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas,” “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree,” and “Jingle Bell Rock.”
I also enjoyed her “Santa, Can You Hear Me,” a duet with another brown-ish star, Arianna Grande. While Clarkson holds her own with the mellifluous, multi octave Grande, she falls flat on her “Merry Christmas (To The One I Used To Know).”
During her recent NBC special to promote the new album, Clarkston shared that she’d tried to write a sad Christmas song with that one, as, she said, there weren’t a lot of them out there, other than Parton’s “Hard Candy Christmas.”
Keep trying, Kelly.
First of all, despite having the word “Christmas” in the title, “Hard Candy Christmas” is not a Christmas song. Secondly, I wonder whether she’s heard “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” or for that matter, “White Christmas.” The best versions of those are chestnuts are melancholy. Clarkston should be commended to giving it a go, but she could have used a co-lyricist on the new song, as “I’m dancing with your ghost” is a little maudlin even for a “sad” Christmas song. Clarkston is no Dickens, after all, and perhaps should have spent some time studying Carey’s “Miss You Most (At Christmas Time,” another from Mimi’s Merry Christmas, if she wants to learn how to yank on the Yuletide heartstrings.
Among the other light-skinned artists vying for your Christmas music dollars is the biracial Norah Jones, who serves up her first full-length Christmas project with I Dream Of Christmas. Like Criss’ “Hippo,” Jones shocked me by recording versions of “Christmas Don’t Be Late” (formerly known as “The Chipmunk Christmas Song”) and “Run Run Rudolph” that I’ll be playing for years.
Unlike Criss’ project, Jones’ strikes a much more jazzy, mellow tone, with an album that’s best enjoyed at the end of a busy shopping day, perhaps, in front of a cozy fire, with a glass of your favorite merlot. Other highlights include “White Christmas,” “Christmastime,” “Winter Wonderland,” “Christmastime Is Here” (from A Charlie Brown Christmas,” and “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve,” which will most likely help me ring in the new year this December 31.
That song, like most of the album, is gorgeous, and the perfect tune to cap off a challenging year. Jones’ delivery and tone aren’t for everyone — like Anita Baker or Toni Braxton, you either love her voice or you’ll want to gouge your eardrums out with a stiff sprig of holly within seconds of hearing it — but I like it, and this may be my favorite of Jones’ albums.
Of the three new holiday collections, Criss’ is the one that’s sure to make next year’s Christmas playlist, while I’m reviewing whatever the 2022 holiday season will offer. He’s the heir apparent to Andy Williams’ throne, if not Mathis’ or Cole’s, and is sure to help you usher in a very…
Merry Christmas!
Criss’ A Very Darren Crissmass, Clarkston’s When Christmas Comes Around…, and Jones’ I Dream Of Christmas is available wherever music is streamed.
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