K-Mart Should Return The Bride Halloween Costume, And Maybe Offer A Hooker One. Now THAT’s A Blue Light Special

Earlier this week, a sorely confused mom in Australia started a change.org petition designed to force K-Mart into removing a wedding dress Halloween costume that was being offered to little girls. The mom argued that the sale of the costume promoted forced child marriages, and she even cited global statistics on the epidemic.  

The mom asked for 500 signatures and got them, although even some of those people seemed to question the mom’s mental acuity in their comments.  K Mart quickly apologized and removed the costume from their shelves.  

Now, a second mom has come forward with a second petition, asking K-Mart to return the costume to store shelves.  She argues that removal of the costume takes the opportunity to dress-up away from little girls.  As of this writing, the second petition has over 4,200 signatures.  

Mine is one of them. I, like many who’ve signed the counter petition, think the first mom is nuts.

First of all, as anyone who has been married can attest, there is a HUGE difference between a wedding and a marriage. (With two marriages under my belt, let alone those of family and friends, I’ve learned that distinction.)

The western world’s quaint (albeit patriarchal) wedding ceremony and its often-associated white wedding gown has nothing to do with marriage, let alone the forced marriages to which that children worldwide are subjected. The Halloween costumes depict wedding gowns, not marriage dresses.

Secondly, if we continue along with the first mom’s line of thinking, K Mart should pull all Halloween costumes that reflect occupations, because those costumes would glorify forced (and illegal) child labor.  The perennial police officer and firefighter costumes would be banned from store shelves.  

How about football and basketball player Halloween costumes?  Nope — the NFL and NBA pay very well.   Doctors and nurses?  No way.  They all would promote the exploitation of child labor.  

I can only think of two American occupations that I don’t want to see represented on my very Trick-Or-Treat-friendly porch on October 31: prostitutes and slaves. I don’t think a Kunta Kinte costume would go over very well on my stoop.

And although I could envision a night when I’d welcome a DoorDash-style whore at the door, Halloween’s definitely not one of those nights, and she wouldn’t be underage.

For obvious albeit very different reasons, the wearers of those two costumes will be getting a rock instead of the full-sized candy bars I typically give out. (Yeah, ours is THAT house.)

K Mart should grow a pair and put the bridal gown costumes back on the shelves.  With the company’s ongoing financial woes, they really can’t afford to be politically correct.  If people are buying it, K Mart should be selling it.  

That sentiment suggests that K Mart should even rethink my proposed prostitute costume ban, but they should offer those costumes only in adult sizes. In doing so, the discount retailer could potentially generate a robust revenue stream by instituting a kind of Blue Light Special I could get behind in their failing, dated stores.

Yeah, that might have me dashing over to Aisle 5.

Published by Michael P Coleman

Freelance writer. I used to talk to strangers and get punished. Now I talk to strangers and get published.

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