Because “pants just slow you down,” and the company wants to help us keep our privates private!

By Michael P Coleman

Do you remember when a certain soft drink company invited us to “Have A Coke And A Smile?” Or Nike encouraged us to “Just Do It?” Sometimes, the marketing of a product hits a home run. This is one of those times.

Ladies and gentlemen…well, gentlemen…allow me to introduce you to Pockies, the world’s first boxer shorts with fitted legs…and pockets!

Why, you ask?

“Because pants just slow you down,” according to a statement from the company. They want to help us “keep our privates private!”

In the spirit of full and total disclosure, I have been largely pants-free for decades. Growing up, my mom had a hard time keeping clothes on me.

I’ve been working part-time from home for almost 20 years, and full-time since 2012, long before the coronavirus sent many of us scurrying from our offices, ditching our daily commutes, and setting up shop from our couches and kitchen tables.

This has long been one of favorite t-shirts in my closet. I’m all about ditching the pants whenever I can! Photo courtesy of Coleman Communications.

During all of that virtual working, I and every other guy I know is completely put together from the waist up for each of our Zoom meetings. But — SPOILER ALERT! — what’s going on beneath the frame of that monitor or iPad is often a very different story…like a duck on water, or your favorite Muppet.

A VERY. Different. Story.

While I’ve been a card-carrying member of the Pants-Free Club for years, I’ve typically not had a place to tuck that card…or my phone, earbuds, or anything thing else that makes my work day go more smoothly. A messenger bag just doesn’t cut it at home, and you can forget a fanny pack.

I’m writing this while wearing a pair of Pockies. My iPhone’s tucked in my right pocket. I may never take these puppies off.

Without going into detail that the ladies may find either off-putting or too titillating for the work day, everything I’ve got is stuffed in its own special place, nestled comfortably in the smoothest, softest pair of boxer shorts that I have ever worn.

And I’m not alone! Since the Amsterdam-based company launched Pockies in 2015, they’ve sold over 200,000 pairs of the blissfully comfy shorts. With that success, Pockies are arriving in the United States, for the very first time, as we speak.

And if this afternoon in my home office is any indication, Pockies are going to make it REALLY hard to talk anyone who tries them into going back into the office after the global pandemic is over.

“We try to make your life on the couch extra easy,” Pockies founder Michiel Dicker says.

That’s right. Hand to God. I couldn’t have written that if I’d tried: the company’s founder’s surname is Dicker.

And Pockies have fitted legs, too! So now you don’t have to worry about wanton breezes, let alone giving your office mate / roommate / the UPS delivery guy too much of a view. (At least get ‘em to buy you a cup of socially distanced coffee first…)

“We hated the fact that people in the room could see everything dangling about when we sat down,” says Dicker. “That’s why we created our boxer short with fitted legs. This way, it won’t crawl up and you don’t have to present you friends and family with your precious parts.”

Each pair of Pockies comes packaged with smile-inducing “Safety Guidelines” like “This is not a sweater” and “In the event of airplane failure, relax: you’re probably at home.”

And if you’re hankering for the perfect shirt to top off those new Pockies, the company offers cozy djellabas (the D is silent). We used to call them “nightshirts” here in the States. As I pulled my new djellaba over my head, I thought “This will be perfect if it has pockets!”

Dicker and his team must have read my mind. In lieu of pockets, the company’s djellabas have perfectly-placed side slots, giving us immediate access to those pockets on the Pockies,

…because, of course, men would never walk around the house with a nightshirt on and no underwear under it. If we did, who knows what we might grab.

Zoom meetings are one thing, but walking around the house or yard might get dicey without the drawers.

He looks like he’s having a good day, right? Right??

Pick up some Pockies for yourself, or for that special man in your life. He’ll thank you the same way I’m just about thanking Jesus right now for mine. You can grab ‘em at pockies.com.

Published by Michael P Coleman

Freelance writer. I used to talk to strangers and get punished. Now I talk to strangers and get published.

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